Book Review; The First!!

Okay, so I might love reading what one could consider "bad" books, but I do love a book that is just plain entertaining. I promise not to inflict review after review of books that are terribly written and badly thought out. I'll try to make the reviews entertaining at least. Maybe. Hopefully. 

You be the judge.

This first one is a review of a book that did annoy me quite a bit. 

He was a controlling arse.

She was a spineless twit.

It wasn't Twilight. Or Fifty Shades. 

It was just as painful, though.

And my face might have been stuck in a perpetual "WTF?" scowl.

Pregnant by the Millionaire

By Carole Mortimer

Basic Plot:

Nick and Hebe.

I have no idea how to pronounce her name. Heeb? Heebee? Hebee? Whatever.

He's a millionaire who owns art galleries in Paris, London and New York. All the art galleries!!!

Hebe works in his London gallery, because London is fancy pants. 

Their relationship starts as sexy times. Casual sexy times. She wants a lovely morning of sexy times and breakfast, but his past tragedy, the one that makes him keep all relationships to "Have sexy times" and "send woman away".

She gets the “I'll call you” line from him after they have their sexy time*. Heartbroken, she leaves.

When they see each other again they find out she's pregnant and he goes caveman and declares that they will be married and then he spends the next one hundred and twenty five pages thinking the worst of her, because she is a terrible, innocent, evil person.

Then there is the big revelation, all is well, and they love each other and they have beautiful babies. 

Yay.

*I might really be enjoying writing "sexy times".
sexy times. Sexy Times. SEXY TIMES!!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Okay, so I thought this book was a little silly. And maybe I am being a little too harsh on the poor university graduate with a steady job that she loved who then suddenly seemed to just wilt under her man's stern gaze, like a dying flower in and Australian drought. He did have a very stern gaze. And he did turn his stern gaze her way many times.

Hebe is a university educated young lady of twenty six living in London and working in one of Nick's numerous art galleries. He owns many art galleries,because he is a super-millionaire with all the monies. 

She is beautiful. 

In fact, she is so beautiful that Nick makes a reference to her goddess-like beauty. On the first page.

In the first few lines.

He's a super fast operator when it comes to women, it seems, because they have slept together even before the book began. This does throw you into the drama straight away. 

Well, actually throws you into the afterglow, then some more sexy times, then the drama.

This drama begins when Hebe thinks it'll be all idyllic and expects them to have a nice leisurely breakfast and then maybe continue with the sexy times. She's taken aback by his suddenly cold demeanour when he tells her that he'll call her and wants her to leave asap.

She's twenty six and, apparently, she hasn't had to do a walk of shame. 

We get to see Hebe telling herself that she is a modern woman and that she knew he wasn't going to call her anyway. It was just a one night stand. She's not hurt at all *little tear*. She spends the next six weeks moping like a girl who was stood up for the school dance, standing on the front verandah, wearing a really ugly puce dress with lots of bows and bad 80's hair. She has also been feeling a little off the last few weeks too.

She's dying! He gave her EBOLA!! SARS!! The PLAGUE!!! 

Of course Nick comes back into town and he has spent the last six weeks, manfully, not sleeping with everything in a skirt and trying to not think about Hebe.

And, of course, while he was doing whatever it is that owners of art galleries do (forgive my ignorance) he makes a shocking discovery about Hebe. 

She's Mata Hari!! Or a virgin. Or a moose in a person suit!

And then he gets back and confronts her with his shocking discovery! And, horror of horrors, they make another discovery about Hebe. She's pregnant.

I guess all the sex they were having on that one evening broke all of the condoms they were using because, being adults, they were both concerned with safe sex. 

I am not sure how I kept the straight face while typing that...

Also, to make matters even better worse stupid, Nick has apparently had sexy times with half the population of London, Paris and New York! The animal! 

And of course, both of them blame the other for Hebe's pregnancy.

“You're not on the Pill?”

“I didn't expect to fall into bed with you! You weren't wearing a condom!”

“I didn't think birth control was an issue!”

And, as a strong and independent woman, Hebe just folds and gives in when Nick suddenly starts to "care" and demands that they marry. As you know, for children to have a proper upbringing and be a real family it requires that the parents be married. 

The fact that she was scared for her safety when he reacted to her suggestion of abortion, he threatened to take the baby away from her if she didn't marry him and the fact that he kicks down her bathroom door when she has said that she'd like to be alone, just after she has taken the pregnancy test seem to raise a few worrying red flags.

Maybe she would have been better off, oh I don't know, getting as far away as possible?
Maybe calling the police?

Restraining order, perhaps?

It's not all illogical rage and fights, though, she did get the man that she had been secretly in love with the whole time he had been treating her like poisoned dirt beneath his feet. 

Her pregnancy was fine and she had beautiful twins!! Because just one baby isn't perfect enough.

AND, to make it a well rounded happy ending, she was reunited with her long lost father and learned about the mother that she never knew.

Awwwww. It all worked out in the end.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ugh, I think my face broke.